I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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