Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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