If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
