His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
