Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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