I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
