So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
