dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
