Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
