I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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