sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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