i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
