i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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