It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
