1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
