she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
