Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
