Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
