he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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