I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
