You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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