Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My feet surprised me
Randomize
