you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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