Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am naked and annoyed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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