The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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