I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
