There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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