I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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