He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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