You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
