She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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