I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
