Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
