I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
