I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize