did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
