Three words: puerto rican gang bang
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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