just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
