she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
