guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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