I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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