Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
