The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
