I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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