Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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