I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
