how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
