Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize