No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
