Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
